


Mein Häschen

by fxntxsticfox



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Elemental Magic, Everybody Lives, F/M, Flashbacks, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Agent Reader (Marvel), Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, magic involved panic attacks, nervous reader, out of character a little cause I had trouble with consistency, shitty german translations, this is very much written for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 10:15:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19149004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxntxsticfox/pseuds/fxntxsticfox
Summary: Reader is in hiding from Hydra and the Avengers, but when Steve and Natasha show up and compromise her safety, she is forced to make decisions.Then she meets James "Bucky" Barnes once again, and her plan goes to shit.*as far as translation goes, Mein häschen = little bunnyI am not a native German speaker, forgive me.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually titled this "Avengers 2- copy of copy new" so I had to come up with a random title.  
> This is only part 1 of what I want to do with Bunny/(Y/n) and Bucky!
> 
> I am on summer break from uni, but I do work so hopefully I'll update this series if people like it.

The news on my television showed shots of the brand new Avengers base, only miles from my current apartment. My sounds was off, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about what this would mean for me.

I knew I was already on their radar. I’m the daughter of two of the most dangerous Hydra scientists of the super soldier era, known as the granddaughter, so of course I had been questioned before. After the collapse of the main Hydra facilities as a result of Captain America and the Winter Soldier’s teaming up, I had been on the run. They thought I was just the granddaughter, raised away from civilization and every technology due to my parents wanting a better life for me than one of Hydra’s upbringing. However, that could not be further than the truth.

I was 9 years old when I was first brought in on the project of the Winter Soldier and introduced to the Asset. My parents were colleagues with Arnim Zola, my mother having known him since his early days in Switzerland. I never liked the man. Once I had been introduced my training had continued from there. If the Avengers found out anything about my involvement, or active training that occurred, I would surely be arrested and possibly killed. If the remnants of Hydra found me and managed to activate me in their favor, it would be the end Captain America and his teammates.

It was of utmost importance for me to keep my true identity secret.

I’ve been able to manipulate elements at will since I was very young, younger than the age of 9. Only when I began to be experimented on were they fully evolved. My parents used this to their advantage. Since I was so young and full of untrained obedience, they constantly utilized me against their enemies. They used me against the Asset. He had to be ruthless, and whenever they needed to punish me, they could easily use it as a lesson for him. Later on, as I got older and began to be trained with the various sciences and equipment they used on him, I became one of the torturers, as well as an experiment myself.

I had believed for a long time that he had signed up for the treatment we were giving him. That he chose to become a Hydra operative. Like my parents had chosen it for me. Like how I had chosen it. A part of me is reminded that I had a couple of opportunities to leave my occupation. To escape, and live my own life. But I had been young and ignorant, believing everything my parents and Hydra had told me.

I didn’t realize I was on the wrong side until I was in my twenties. However, my era had long since ended, being put into cryostasis multiple times for undisclosed amounts of time, only knowing time had passed from my parent’s aged faces, and the fear of Hydra kept me in line- as well as the multiple wipes they had enacted on me.

With the Avengers coming closer to my own life, I would have to be more careful than ever before. No matter what the news says, Hydra is always everywhere.  
Captain America shows up on the television, speaking only in passing to a journalist. It was obvious he was not comfortable with the attention in the midst of his chaos. The Winter Soldier had just returned from Wakanda and he had been collecting him from the airport when the television had caught him.

A long haired brunette man behind him catches my eye. That was the Asset. The Winter Soldier. My experiment. My torturer. Despite this, I felt a type of warmth in my chest I could not place. He looked healthy and rested despite his rugged appearance. I turned the television off and stood up to throw away my take out.

There’s a buzzing in my head when I look up at the dark screen. A headache obviously coming on. Lately I had been blacking out, seizing, and getting major headaches. Flashbacks of my childhood also appeared, but they were fuzzy and unsure, faces not completely showing through. Nightmares kept me awake at night and the stress was getting to me.

Last week I woke up to gas filling my apartment, my stove left on, and my hand on a lighter. I had to turn it off and air my entire apartment out for two days before I used my stove again. I was afraid the gas would blow up and I’d be incinerated. Not that I would die, but it would be painful.

Last month I had realized I was hallucinating in a supermarket a mile away from my apartment when vines began uprooting throughout the store, jungle plants and humidity streaming outwards from me. I had ran to an alleyway, trying to get back to the safety of my apartment before too many people noticed me.

I pull a blanket to my shoulders, wrapping it tighter around me and walk down the hallway to my bedroom, not stopping to check my computer before I collapse on the bed and fall asleep staring at the gray wall of my apartment.

 

* * *

 

When I wake up before my 7 am alarm and turn it off, it’s completely dark in my apartment and there’s only the sounds of my neighbor’s kid, Liam, below me, screaming at what I assume is a video game. There isn’t much I can do at this time so I sit up and simply stare out the window as the sun rises. I don’t realize how long I had been there until there’s a knock at my door. My eyes go wide and I whip my head towards the door. No one ever knocked on my door, even my landlord and neighbors. If they ever needed me they always texted me or called me. I pick up a tablet next to my bed and unlock it, switching over to an interface I created to be secure from everyone that could possibly access it. It was currently 11am.

  
My camera at the door shows Captain America himself, standing next to a familiar redhead known as Natasha Romanoff, or the Black Widow. I scratch at my neck subconsciously and walk out to my living room, closing each room’s door along the way, then sliding out of the interface, turning on my lights and then my television to be on the cooking network, but on silent. I turn on the coffee brewer and slide into the normal tablet software, making it return to be a normal everyday device.

When I open the door, they seem to immediately believe my surprised expression.

“H-Hi, oh wow, it’s Captain America… and Miss Black Widow!” I gasp, eyes wide and seemingly starstruck. Even Natasha, who is examining me closely, seems to believe my words, “come in, please,” I step to the side, allowing them to come inside before closing the door. I shuffle anxiously to be in their direct line and sight.

“I can’t believe this, uh, can I get you guys anything? I’m making coffee,” I begin, bouncing slightly.

“We’re fine, we’re actually here to ask you about an event that occurred in Canada late last night,”  Natasha cut to the chase. Immediately I flinched as a habit at her harsh tone.

“O-Oh, that makes sense, yes,” I turn, going to sit on my couch. I pull my long sleeves over my hands and look down at them.

“Sorry ma’am, but with your family history, we’re following protocols. SHIELD is brand new, and we’re covering all loose ends,” Captain America states, nudging Natasha. He comes and sits next to me, whilst she stands behind, scanning the apartment.

“I understand, this is necessary,” I firmly frown, nodding before looking him in the eyes.

“So, what were you doing last night?” Natasha questions, looking at the tablet sitting on my coffee table, now walking in front of the television.

“Well, if the past interviews are anything to go by, you want all the details,” I start, “I got up around 11am and sat in my office,” I nod my head towards the hallway, “working on a project for a client. If you want specifics about it all I can legally tell you is that it’s a set of designs in photoshop, otherwise I’m breaking my contract with the company.” I look at her, but she shakes her head.

“That won’t be necessary, please continue,” She states.

“Of course, um, well after I finished my work, I made lunch and watched television, the cooking network. Afterwards I drew on my tablet over there and lost track of time so I ended up ordering take out. Once it got here I ate and watched the news. That’s when I saw that the Avengers base is now a mile or so from here,” I smile softly at the soldier, then at Natasha. “Then I went to bed and passed out until this morning. I was actually just getting ready for the day when you two knocked,” I finished, breathing out deeply. If they wanted anything with my childhood or “grandparents” they’d have to ask me specifics.

“So you have no idea what happened?” Captain Rogers asked.

“N-No, what happened? I haven’t even checked my apps yet, I just got up and turned on my coffee machine and television,” I shook my head.

“Last night there was an explosion at a base in Canada, a lot of the agents inside turned out to be Hydra affiliates. It looked like they had been attempting to create something with the plans left behind by your grandparents,” Natasha explains. My eyes go wide, the fear now very real. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. A few seconds of silence allowed Natasha to move around the room. I could feel her eyes on me. The soldier clears his throat.

“I know this must be difficult to hear because of your past, but we need any information you can give us if any on people that might have been close to your relatives,” Natasha says, picking up a picture of you and your “parents”. It was a killer photoshop job.

“I don’t know anyone. When I was a kid my parents always told me that Hydra was a bad word, and anyone who was involved with it were insensitive, cold murderers. They had a lot of opinions about… my grandparents,” I choked at the last word. The story was bullshit, obviously, but hearing that they were attempting to recreate the super soldier serum from only a portion of the ingredients known was terrifying.

“I’m sorry to bring up such a hard topic,” Captain America states.

“It’s alright, Captain America, sir, anything that helps,” I say, teary eyed.

“You can call me Steve,” He smiles softly, trying to reassure me.

“Steve… Um, thank you for being so kind in your questioning, and you, Mrs. Widow, last time it wasn’t so pleasant,” I sigh, smiling softly.

“Of course. We will be in touch if anything else comes up,” Natasha states, smiling tightly. I sigh and nod, following them to the door. I thank them once more before they leave. Once I close the door, I walk calmly to my tablet, checking it over for bugs. I spot one in the charge port, miniscule and barely noticeable. I sigh before bringing it to the kitchen and using it’s base interface to pull up twitter, checking the news and such. Sure enough, a photo of an explosion is first of the highlights. I allow the app to run, but pull out a second tablet that’s I have programmed to run as a normal person would use it. Careful not to disrupt the bug’s programs, I detach and attach it to the phony tablet, before running the program on the second tablet once again.

It’s a few hours later when I notice someone watching me from my window. I don’t get up from my spot on the couch, but I begin checking on my actual tablet every street and security camera around my building before I see the figure positioned perfectly to see in my window. It’s no one I recognize, but I know it’s either SHIELD or Hydra. Just Rogers and Romanoff coming here compromised my location’s safety.

I lock and change the interface on my tablet and get up. Going to my room, I change and get dressed before going to the bathroom. Under my sink is where I had enough alcohol to set fire to my entire apartment, so I pull it out and begin drinking. I couldn’t get drunk, but that was a part of the experimentations and making me stronger, and they didn’t know about those quite yet. I drag myself out of my bathroom, carrying the multitudes of bottles in my arms before going back over to the living room.

I collapse on the couch, dropping the bottles around me and chugging the alcohol. To anyone looking in, it might seem like I’m simply having one hell of a rough night. To the Captain and Widow, it would look like I wanted to drink myself into a coma because of what was brought up.

Once I finished the third bottle within a half hour, I knew my body showed the symptoms of being drunk without the feeling. That was a perk of the experiments as well- perfect for undercover work. I look as drunk as I would be, but I’m not.

I get up and stretch at the window, knocking over the alcohol and spilling it all over the floor and my tablet, most definitely short circuiting the bug they had placed within it, and the rest all over myself. I sit on the floor by the window and take out a lighter and a cigarette. I didn’t usually smoke. I was going to light it and “accidentally” light myself on fire. It was only a matter of time before the Avengers come looking for me because of the bug going out- something they’d assume I’d have found and gotten rid of, making me somewhat guilty. I needed out of this apartment safely, whether it be with no DNA left over or not. When I’m “incinerated”, the entirety of my skin burns off, there were no fingerprints or DNA left over. It makes me unrecognizable. Unfortunately, it also makes my bones incredibly brittle and prone to breaking. The last time this happened, I couldn’t walk for a week without breaking bones.

I light up I mess around with the lighter, before dropping it lit on my pants. I jump up and act as if I’m panicking, screeching and running around.

I’m flailing on the floor, the fire spreading faster than expected, so my panic actually real at this point. If Rogers didn’t get here soon, I was going to be nothing but muscle and bones- a scary and incredibly painful experience. Thankfully, the door is busted down, after I assume they hear my screams from coming up the hall.

The last thing I see before I blackout is Captain Roger’s shocked face.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I come to in a white room. It seemed like a hospital room, but it reminded me of the Hydra facilities that I so often used to end up in after a punishment with the Asset. I had to will my heart rate down otherwise I would most definitely seize up.

My wrists are tied to the bed with thick enforced bands and I struggle, my wrists underneath the bandages being rubbed raw, still sensitive from the incineration. A figure appears in the corner of my vision, at the doorway. I have to turn my head because of the bandages covering my entire head. I scramble back on the bed, like a scared animal, cornered.  
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you,” Steve says, holding a hand out to try to comfort me, “you remember me, I spoke to you about your grandparents,” He nods. I sigh, breathing out slightly.  
“S-Steve,” I nod, relaxing.  
“We think you were set up,” he smiles warmly and my stomach drops as he sits down on the bed.  
“How did I get here? I know I was… I was drinking and I just know I went to smoke and… then I was on fire,” I tremble, playing the part perfectly.  
“It’s okay, you don’t have to-” Steve was interrupted by Stark walking in.  
“Uh yeah, about that. She kind of does. Either the kid’s one hell of an alcoholic or she knows something that made her drink that much,” I cower away even more, this time avoiding eye contact with both supers.  
“Tony, she’s the victim here,” Steve argues, crossing his arms after seeing my reaction.  
“So, she just happens to be related to Hydra scientists, is questioned, and then a day later is lit on fire from drinking so much alcohol we had to pump her stomach? It doesn’t make sense. We’ve been tailing her for months, we know nobody from Hydra knows she exists anymore, and she doesn’t have a history of alcohol abuse,” Tony argues. I’m in disbelief. I hadn’t known they were following me. I was careless.  
“You’ve been following me?” I sit up, then immediately regret it, since my bones creak. A certain glasses wearing doctor walks in, and I’m not stupid. I know it’s Dr. Banner. I’ve seen photos and news stories of his work.  
“She’s incredibly weak, I need you guys to stop yelling in front of her, otherwise the actual doctor will have to get involved,” He sighs, obviously stressed out.  
“Unwrap her bandages,” I hear a rough voice from the doorway, someone I had managed to not notice. The Asset. He was staring at me in my eyes when I turned. He recognized me. Suddenly I was back in the training room, and he was tearing my limbs apart with a knife. I back away further, shaking my head.  
“If I do that it could tear any healing skin off of her-” Banner begins to argue but the Asset shakes his head.  
“Do it, now,” He orders. Banner quickly does so, rolling his eyes. Tony watches me carefully as Steve walks over to the asset and puts a hand on his shoulder- noticing his hand is clenched into a fist. Steve- that’s right, Captain America had caused a lot of issues for my parents when I was younger.  
“No, please!” I screech, kicking at the approaching man. Suddenly the Asset is holding me down with a force that dislocates my shoulders- from how weak they were. I scream out in pain, sobbing, and whimpering as Banner carefully removes my bandages on my legs. There’s silence and then Banner notices my shoulders.  
“Barnes, you dislocated her-” Before he can finish, the Asset pops them back and I scream again, beginning to cry even more. My legs and feet are completely healed, the skin fresh and soft, like a baby’s.  
“Accelerated healing, but weakened bones,” Tony comments, intrigued. I’m gasping for air as he grabs my calf and examines it, before I kick him away weakly. The Asset is staring at me from a few feet away, leaning against the glass wall.  
“Do you know her, Bucky?” Steve asks quietly as Banner unwraps the rest of my body, allowing me to do the parts under the hospital smock. The Asset’s name is Bucky. It sounded familiar.

What I hadn’t quite expected was for my abilities to return so quickly after my regeneration. My head began to ache and when they revealed my face and head, my head fuzzy from hair growth after being burned away, my skull ached.

I got a rush of voices, my mother, my father, Zola, Shmidt… so I tried to focus on the ones around me- distinguishing the voices to individuals. I couldn’t, though, and I could feel everything- the wind surrounding the facility- the waves pushing against the rocks at a park nearby, my elevated heart rate, everything. The Asset was here, James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. He was safe. He made it out. I press my hands to cover my ears, ignoring Banner’s words about my heartrate. Tears pour from my eyes.

_I’m in a dark corridor, holding my father’s hand as we walk. He’s not looking at me._

_Straight ahead there’s a room where a brunette man is tied to a chair. He’s missing an arm and is in bad shape. My father pushes me further into the room, next to the man. He looks at me through bleary eyes- as if he doesn’t know where he is._  
_“Oh god…” He’s mumbling about someone named Steve. He’s dressed in a black coat and pants, I feel the fabric when my father pushes me closer to touch him._  
_“This will be the Asset, you’ll help train him and teach him the ways of Hydra. There will be no mercy,” The dark face of my father speaks to me. I cock my head to the side. I was worried he was sick, that we were hurting him._  
_“He signed up for this, mein Häschen,” He caresses my face, smiling. It was the first time I felt on edge with my father. He turns to someone on the other side of the room and said something in Russian or German that I couldn’t understand yet._

I feel my body seizing and my body begins to ooze at its surface. It’s like a sludge filled river, except clear. The elements were reacting, my body was reacting.  
“She’s Hydra,” were the last words I heard before I slipped into darkness.

_“Mein häschen, he’s going to make you just as strong as the Asset,” my mother pats my head as the men in lab coats strap me down against the hospital table._  
_“Mama, James said he didn’t volunteer when I brought him his food. What does he mean?” I frown, confusion littering my features._  
_“His name is the Asset to you. Such a vulgar connection should not be made. He is our weapon,” She tuts before turning to another man in a coat. She tells him to wipe the Asset once again._

 

* * *

 

The next time I wake up, I’m in the same hospital type of room, except the ooze excreting from my body was pooled around me on a seemingly waterproof bed pad and a drain below. The substances began to slow their excretion when I sit up. My bones creak, sore from the damage the Asset had done to my collar.

“What was that?” Tony Stark is sitting in a chair, looking up at me from his phone.  
“A seizure. I get them sometimes when I panic but I don’t know how it works,” I sigh, feeling the short stubble of my hair growing back and avoiding his eyes.  
“I know what a seizure looks like. What I want to know is what is the ooze coming out of you? Lab results say it’s just water,” he stands up, coming to my bedside.  
“It’s probably water,” I bring my legs up to my chest and sniff up my runny nose, becoming nervous as he gets closer to me. My body still hurt from being incinerated, bones aching all over, especially where the Asset, James, had dislocated my shoulders.  
“Alright, smartass,” Tony rolls his eyes, “because of your goo or whatever that stuff coming from your body is, we couldn’t get a print. So you mind?” He raises his eyebrow. I remain quiet, worried about them finding out about my status.  
“We know you’re involved with Hydra; we know you’re a mutant. We can find out the hard way or the easy way,” Steve walks in with Banner, his crossed arms and with a stone cold face. I had wanted to avoid this entirely- I liked my life. I couldn’t be safe with the Avengers knowing who I was. If they knew and had me in their custody, Hydra most definitely would come after me. I held a lot of information. If I compromised, I could figure a way out as soon as they give me an opening and disappear to Germany for a little while- maybe even Switzerland. I hadn’t been there since the 1970s.  
“Can you guys take out the IV first, and give me a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt…” It felt like they were examining me- like my parents had done all those years. I wanted to make sure if I did escape I wasn’t in a hospital gown. Banner immediately takes out the IV and Tony glares at him.  
“Fine, Friday, please send up a pair of…” He thinks for a moment, then looks at Steve, “Steve’s sweatpants and a sweatshirt for Miss Y/N,” he speaks to the ceiling, only for it to respond back.  
“Yes, Tony,” the voice scares me and I flinch. I scolded myself mentally for letting myself show the fright- I was rusty, showing emotions like how I did as a child.  
“Tony,” Steve starts, looking annoyed.  
“You brought her in,” He shrugs, smirking at the man. I had a feeling this was a petty fight they were going through rather than a direct result of me.

It only took a few moments until a woman walks in with the garments and hands them to you. Steve and Banner turn, only for Tony to continue staring.  
“Um,” I start to protest, before Banner forces Tony around, forcing a sigh out of the man.  
“Thank you, Dr. Banner,” I mumble, pulling the sweatshirt over the hospital smock and pulling it off underneath, then proceeding to pull the sweats up without leaving my bed. I was nervous about walking on my weak bones. I okay them to turn around and burrow into the sweatshirt, feeling safer than I had a moment ago. Stark nods to someone outside the door that I can’t see through, and another woman, this time a nurse, comes in and gets a full set of fingerprints from my now clear and drier skin.  
“You’ll stay here for now until we figure you out- or until we decide you’re ready to be interrogated,” Tony nods, waving a finger at me and smirking slightly, before walking out. Steve follows him soon after and Banner gives you a once over before nervously walking to the door.  
“If you need a nurse, that button calls on them. The bathroom is that door,” He points, and continues to walk out.  
“Thank you,” I call after him softly, thankful for his decency. I stay sitting on my bed, curled up. Before long I close my eyes and try to clear my head.

_The Asset is chasing me, his boots pounding on the cement floor behind me. This was no game of tag, this was training. A knife flew past my arm, barely missing me once I slide my body to the side, turning the corner. I fail to notice the slight change in his running before he’s sliding and in front of me. His weapons aim for my chest and I quickly pull back, engaging in hand to hand combat. I’m only 14. I had found out he had been 24 when I met him the first time, now he was much more tired looking and his hair was longer, but he showed no signs of aging. At this point no powers besides accelerated healing had presented for me, this training was to help with that. He was always looking out for me despite being the daughter of Hydra scientists that were doing this to him. This time, the James I had known was no longer. He had been wiped after I had asked my parents to call him by his name, instead of the Asset. This training was also a punishment._

_“Häschen, you have failed,” My father calls out to me as I’m bleeding out on the cement floor. James, no, the Asset, has already been put to sleep once more. It had happened in an instant. He had gotten the upper hand and next thing I knew a knife was deep in my side, missing my vital organs, but keeping me suffering. Panic begins to flow through my system as I watch my father leave the room. I call out to him, but he doesn’t turn around. I was abandoned, left to bleed and heal by myself._

I open my eyes when I realize there are machines beeping, glass breaking, and a nurse shouting. Vines were growing on my bed, out from me, climbing up and latching onto the glass walls, cracking them and causing panic. I couldn’t move, couldn’t focus. The only thing that kept running through my mind was the look of disdain from my father’s face and the loneliness I had felt that day in the training room. I can see Stark, Steve, and then the Asset outside the door from my paralyzed position. There are others but I can’t make out their faces. The Asset immediately begins strutting towards me but is stopped briefly by Steve- before breaking through the vines blocking the entrance and reaching me.  
“Don’t come any closer!” I scream, the vines growing stronger and going to attack him, each winds around his limbs, tightening. He doesn’t flinch as he breaks through.  
“Please stop,” I scream, each vine breaking hurts me physically. I’m bleeding from my nose heavily when he finally reaches me.  
“Stop this,” He growls. I cower, trying to backup further against the bed, vines enveloping my bed and form.  
“I c-can’t,” I choke out, coughing out leaves covered in blood. He looks at them for a second before getting closer. He hesitates, then grabs me by the throat with his metal arm.  
“Where is your training, _häschen_ , ” my eyes go wide and tears begin falling from my eyes. I grasp at his arm. The gesture was familiar and comfortable for me, as if he had done it many times before to stop my hyperventilation. It was a sign that this was how my emotions were controlled when I worked with him.

_“You need to stop crying, mein häschen. It’s weak and childlike. If you can not control yourself I will wipe you myself. He is the Asset, he is a tool, nothing more,” My father is scolding me. I’m seventeen and saw the state that James had come back in, that the Asset had come back in._  
_“I have watched you destroy him since I was nine, he doesn’t recognize me half the time, what are you doing to the man, papa?” I beg for him to have an ounce of feeling, hanging on his arm, but his eyes look down on me with a murderous glint. I immediately drop my gaze and let his arm go._  
_“Speak to me like that again and I will have to put an end to your thoughts myself,” my blood runs cold. I was no longer the girl my parents had fondly called their little bunny. I was a tool just like they had made James their weapon. My father begins to drag me by my wrist down a dark hallway. In the room we enter, I’m placed in a chair similar to one where Jamey had gotten wiped. I start crying once more, begging not to be erased._

“Ja-James,” I gasp for air, eyes meeting his finally, and he falters, letting go, seeing that I had returned to myself, “Jamey,” I begin crying, shaking as the vines retract from the walls and water flows out of my eyes, leaving huge bubbles around in the air. I cough once more, leaves spilling out with some blood, disrupting the bubbles and causing them to pop. I rub my neck, a bruise slowly forming.  
“What the hell did you do, Barnes?” Tony questions, walking in with Steve and Banner in tow. His eyes flickered to my neck and my timid demeanor.  
“Did she just call him Jamey?” Banner questions, highly alarmed. Steve looks at James for answers he probably didn’t have.  
“You remember me,” His expression softens. I shake in my bed, cowering and keeping my eyes down, “Mein häschen, why are you crying?” He softly lifts my chin up with his metal hand, making me connect eyes with him. This obviously makes Tony and Bruce uncomfortable, especially after seeing the bruising around my neck, however it filled me with warmth; warmth for the fact that he’d still touch me so softly after everything I had done to him.  
“J-Jamey, you’re alive,” I hiccup, more bubbles flowing up. Out of the corner of my eye I spot Banner curiously looking at them, while Tony gets close and touches it with a pen. I hadn’t expected the close memories to come up. For my own mind to break just by seeing the man I had tried to protect inadvertently for my entire life, I must be weak. I was compromised.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper as I set James up to be wiped again. He was remembering Steve once more, remembering me. I had long since remembered him since my last wipe. Hydra had not realized that I would require a more frequent wiping than James because of the surfacing of my elemental powers.

_“Please,” He breathes out, eyes pleading with me, fists clenched, but I nod to the other doctors watching me. This was only temporary, I would find a way to get him out._  
_“Begin wiping him,” I turn away, clenching my jaw as I walk out of the room and towards my own cell, as his screams begin._

“The wipe… I’m,” I dizzily shake my head, getting confused from the memories racing through my head. Time was running so fast for me, my mind rushing through memories from my childhood, to the time I met James, to when I wiped him the final time. Banner takes my confusion to his advantage and rushes forward to checks my pulse. Bucky backs up, away from me, clenching his fists.  
“Her heart rate is racing, I think she’s about to pass out again,” He rushes out.  
“N-No, I’m fine,” I shake my head, pushing away from everyone and slowly getting off my bed and onto my feet. I walk to the corner away from them, trying to breathe calmly.  
“Y/n,” I hear Steve’s voice call me as I sit in the corner, facing the solid wall. I put my hand to it.

Nobody knows what I’m doing until I surge back, then slam my head against the wall, I hear scrambling behind me and then a warm grip around my wrist and a cold one around my stomach. I had to stop the memories, the pain and the guilt. I slam my head once more, crushing the wall and causing blood to rush out of the wound. I fall into whoever had grabbed me and see it was James before I black out once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think? 
> 
> I really appreciate feedback and positive reinforcement.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up in a bed unlike a hospital bed. The room is pure white and plain, but there’s a view of a big plain of grass and then a lake, and a plant in the corner. The sun is setting.

“I was wondering when you’d wake up,” I jump when I hear Tony’s voice.

“I am…” I cock my head, confused at my location. My eyes focus on his figure, sitting in the corner next to the door in the dark.

“It’s been a week, Y/N.” He looks me dead in my eyes. I cock my head the other way, pulling my hood over my head and closing my eyes. They knew my identity. I’d never be left alone now. 

_“Häschen, we’re leaving you for a long time. We will not need you until we are much older.” My mother’s smile leaves me with shivers. She looks like she’s cornering her prey. I’m across from James in a cryostasis chamber. James… who was that again? Was he important?_

_“Don’t touch her,” He’s electrocuted once more, interrupting his speech. I didn’t understand, but I knew he was important to me. I knew that I felt a warmth in my heart and a deep sorrow seeing him suffer. I furrow my brows._

_“It was not our intention for you to… feel so human,” My father sighs, “Hydra is unhappy.” There’s disappointment and anger in his eyes. I almost flinch at it, the emotion palpable, like a slap to the face._  

“T-That feels like so long ago…” I shake my head. I was no longer the girl who had been trying to avoid Hydra and Avengers. I felt regressed. I was acting like the helpless 14 year old who had tried to stop her parents from hurting the only good thing in her life and failed. I felt empty and full at the same time. I touch my chest where my heart is, surprised by the feeling of something on it. Tony follows my gesture with his eyes.

“Tony, you were supposed to leave her alone,” Bruce pops his head in, glaring before noticing me awake.

“Oh,” He’s cut off by a blonde man, Hawkeye, walking in. I wasn’t sure how I knew his name.

“So this is the girl that’s got Barnes avoiding Steve,” He smiles, “Clint Barton, you must be the ex-Hydra girl,” He seemed nice. I decided I liked him. The others I was unsure of, but he seemed to lack malice or any intentions, really. The vines within me wanted to wrap around him to protect the smile he was giving me.

“Clint,” Bruce almost chastises him when Steve walks in the doorway.

“Jarvis notified me that Y/n is awake,” He nods, making eye contact with me. I feel panic suddenly, so I quickly turn away.

“This… I don’t,” I shake my head, beginning to cry. I shake my head, trying to figure out why I was so emotional. I never really had a grip on my emotions, but this whole situation was making me lose control faster. The tears begin to ooze from my skin and the others quickly notice my panic escalating.

“Get Barnes in here!” Bruce quickly said to no one in particular, and I jump when the same voice from earlier responds.

“He’s on his way,” The feminine voice speaks. The ooze is dripping off my neck and face and hands. I figure I’m a sorry sight when James’s gaze hardens when he spots me. He stalks up to me and sits on the side of the bed, taking my face in his hands, his metal resting lightly on my throat.

“Bitte hör auf zu weinen*, mein häschen,” His forehead presses to mine and I sniffle, and my breathing begins to calm.

“kannst du mir meine Dummheiten verzeihen?*” I cry, the tears no longer becoming ooze but just regular tears.

“Of course,” He looks around at the others in the room, before sighing and kissing my forehead. I lean into his touch, but feel my bones creak, so I don’t move from my spot further than I can lean. There’s a cough and a “humph” that interrupts the exchange. I feel James pull away and he doesn’t make eye contact as I’m spoken to by the others.

“We need to ask you a few questions,” Rogers says, arms crossed. I gulp nervously and nod. James seems to become alert once he says it, a stern expression coming across his face.

Tony handcuffs me in some large, high tech bonds and I’m brought to stand. James eyes my legs as I slowly put more pressure on each leg. It hurt, badly, but I wanted them to believe that I wasn’t here by choice or in order to hurt them. I needed to seem stronger, so they wouldn’t lock me away like Hydra had. My bone slid out of place when I followed them down the hallway and my steps seemed to hiccup, before returning to their normal pace. I play it off as nervousness when James looks at me.

After a short walk further, we all enter a plain, high tech conference room, where I am placed at the head of the table when the doors lock. When I finally get to sit, I whimper as my leg snaps with a small crack. James looks up and seems alarmed from across the room.

“Everything alright?” Steve questions, raising his eyebrow at me. I gulp and nod, looking down at my hands. I was worried if I complained then I’d get in trouble for delaying their questions.

“We’ll start with the year you were born. You’re a few years behind Bucky and I, Hydra registered it as 1932.” Steve began while Tony pulled up a holographic file of me. The picture is not recent- it was the one they used in Hydra’s files when I was young. That was the only photo of me that I had of my childhood. Although it was cropped, I knew it was the photo of my parents, Arnim Zola and I.

“I don’t have many memories of before I met James,” I trail off.

_“She’s just a kid,” James pleads with my father before getting knocked to the ground._

_“My daughter is almost 13, a teenager, therefore no longer a child, soldier, however, and it seems you’ve begun to feel empathy once more,” The cold, collected voice of my father interrupts the very particles of the room. I am staring straight ahead, into the wall. Any movement would mean another punishment lined up._

_“She’s your daughter and you’re choosing this for her?” James seems destroyed by this, and it confuses me. Is this not normal for parents to treat their child the way mine do? I was given food and water, clothing, and training. Is that not the purpose of my existence- to obey my parents and ultimately Hydra’s orders?_

“Y/n, are you still with us?” Steve questions, apparently he had been asking this for a while, because James was now squatting besides me, where my grip on the table had melted the metal.

“I’m awake,” I cock my head, looking up to him with a slightly downturned expression.

“This is over,” James growls, forcing my hands to relax off of the metal and around his.

“Buck, we can’t,” Steve begins to stop him, when I’m lifted into James’s arms.

“Bullshit. I’ll keep an eye on her. She’ll answer questions when she doesn’t slip away like that again.” He growls at Steve, stance completely asking him to challenge his judgement.

“I agree with Barnes. This line of questioning could bring more memories to light and potentially cause something serious to happen with those powers of hers,” Banner nods, making eye contact with Steve.

“Well, as much as I hate to agree with the Manchurian Candidate over here, it’d be a good idea to let Y/n get settled before forcing her to remember her past,” Tony steps in, finalizing it.

James carries me out of the room, right past a bunch of the team members I had not met yet. I buried my face in his shirt and tried to avoid their stares but I felt them anyways. Once past them, we go down various hallways and rooms, eventually reaching an elevator. Once inside with a floor number pressed, James nuzzles my neck and speaks.

“You’ll need to talk to us, y/n, but I’ll be there every step of the way. I can’t… I won’t let anyone touch you again,” His breath tickles my neck. I don’t get the chance to reply before we’ve reached our destination. He carries me past a living room, kitchen, balcony, and to a hallway where a few doors are located. Once inside a bedroom that I assume was his, he sets me gently on the bed and knees before me.

“I’m going to fix your leg,” He says, looking into my eyes. I’m startled.

“I didn’t want to get… get in trouble for injuring myself,” I whisper, nodding.

“Y/n, you will never be punished for getting hurt here,” He sighs, kissing my hand before setting it to my side. I grip onto his shoulders as he pops it back and tears ooze out of my eyes before settling into my skin once more.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper to him as he kisses my knee.

“Y/n, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He kisses my knee once more and stood up, lifting me easily and walking over so he could sit in a large armchair chair by the window.

“I _hurt_ you, Jamey, I did that to you, I helped them,” tears began to ooze once more before he took my hands in his.

“You helped me. You risked your life to save my mind and because of you I got out. Steve found me, running, and I spent a lot of time in Wakanda for recovery,” He shook his head.

“I wanted to do more, James, but they caught me,” I shook my head, pressing both of my hands into his metal hand.

“Doll, look at me,” His voice disrupted my thoughts from the softness of them.

“I failed you,” I hiccupped, leaning into his body, resting my face on his chest. His warm hand moved up and tilted my head up and wiped my tears.

“Mein häschen, you were a victim too,” I shake my head but his grip manages to stop my gesture. I look at him in the eyes and he meets mine. I see his eyes flicker to my lips and he licks his lips before leaning back and sighing, releasing my face. I shake my head once more and turn towards him, straddling his waist. I hug him tightly, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I did everything I could, Bucky, I kept them from knowing when you got memories back the best I could, but they always knew I had a soft spot for you,” I whisper. I feel his arms hug around me, pulling me tighter against him as he buries his head in my neck and breathes deeply.

“I know, doll.”

  

* * *

 

When I wake up, I’m lying in a bed. I’m confused until I recall falling asleep in Bucky’s embrace, but then begin to panic when he is nowhere to be found. Then, I hear voices from outside the door. I sleepily get up, noticing my sweatshirt and sweats had been replaced with one of what I assumed by the smell was one of James’s own sweatshirts. My body wasn’t nearly as sore as before, so I could walk easily.

“We need to question her, Barnes,” I hear Steve speaking rather harshly.

“I won’t dock you on your choice of playmate, but keeping her permanently in your room when we have a slight idea of her power is not a smart idea,” I hear Tony Stark say, obviously nervous already.

“She won’t be questioned until she’s healed properly,” Bucky grunts out.

“I think Barnes is right,” I hear a feminine voice pop out, “and if we want her to tell us everything she knows, she has to trust us.”

“I’m with Nat and Buck, I guess,” Steve says.

“You’ve changed your mind fast,” I hear another deep voice say.

“Sam, she’s got a point,” Steve shoots back at the voice. I notice them closing their conversation so I wobbly walk to the chair by the window and sit, staring out at the land of the grounds. James returns and his steps indicate he was surprised by my absence in the bed.

“I thought you had left,” I continue to stare out at the grounds, curling into myself.

“I will never leave you again, not like that, Y/n, you’re stuck with me,” He squats down in front of me.

“It’s okay if you do,” I whimper quietly as he lifts his warm hand and runs his fingers through my hand, tucking some strands behind my ear.

“I don’t want to,” he quietly responds, using his hand in my hair to move quickly to my chin to keep me facing him.

“Why not?” I sigh, relaxing into his palm. He smiles a little bit, licking his lips.

“Because you give me hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of part 1! I am pretty proud of myself for finishing a little something. 
> 
> I go through writers block regularly.
> 
> *1= “Please stop crying, my little bunny,”
> 
> *2= “Can you forgive my foolishness?” (asking for forgiveness), corrected by the lovely thewintersoldiers_secret


End file.
